Two years ago I asked you whether you played power games, how and why?
These were your replies:

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NO IT'S NOT WORTH IT

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it's when you make another person feel weak in order to feel powerful yourself. when you upset someone and yet appear calm and collected yourself in order to make the other person seem more "crazy". when you withhold love or affection from a partner to make them want it more, thus making
them appear more "needy". stuff like that.

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hi yuula!

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i'll fuck your ass

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I don't try to play power games but feel i get trapped in them. Usually in romantic situations. And I'm so
averse to that kind of interaction that I usually wind up losing because I refuse to participate.

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hiya yuula. Sometimes I will flirt with a girl up to the point where something sexual is just about to happen before I tell them I have a girlfriend and couldn't possibly go any further.

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you aren't even an artist.

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I play power games with men. I can make men have crushes on me for long periods of time without ever needing to give up anything because they love the pain. I can make older men at work do things for me by playing the "I'm a little helpless girl" card. I can make gay men love me because I act like the mom they always wanted. I can make young men - much too young men - love me because I acknowledge their sexuality where other people wouldn't.
I can have power crushes on men - crushes that I have only because I have the power.

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I don't know what Power Games are but they sound fun. Is it sexual? Love, Louis.

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Today I was driving north on Spadina the streets were super slushy. Just north of Davenport, going up a steep hill the street narrows to a single lane, as I was about to hit the place where the two lanes merge into one, a woman in a mercedes SUV tried to pass me and force her way into the lane ahead of me. I did not let her in, and then continued to drive at exactly the speed limit, or 5km below the speed in places where people generally go 10-20km above it, until we hit Eglinton. Which was awesome because she was tailgating me the whole way so when she got closer to my car, I would just slow down more. I win.

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i play these games because others play them with me. not often, and not everyone, but some people live to manipulate; i try to bow out first, but sometimes one just needs to fight fire with fire

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I play power games with other women who are competing for my boyfriend's attention. I'm not sure why I do this beside the obvious reasons. It seems instinctual and specific to this relationship. It's influenced
by how attractive I find the woman and how much attention she pays him vs. me.

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I really try not to play power games because I think that life is too full and hectic and short for me to waste time on that kinda shit.

I guess that maybe THAT IS my power game... the fact that I don't have time for it, so I say "fuck it". I think that kinda thing can get people really angry at me... maybe even jealous. I try to let things go and move on in life. People try to inflict their games onto me... their projections... it's really their insecurities that cause any kind of game. I'd rather walk away because in the future a real fight, or game, will come along and might need some serious attention.

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i hate power games and like to think i don't play them but i do, quietly and borne from resentment at others who play them openly and with self interest. i'm usually standoffish and look annoyed or angry when i'm not because not being that way cedes power to untrustworthy others. i resent people who openly claim power in personal relationships and get very frustrated, eventually focusing on feeling that i'm not doing the same out of superiority and martyrdom, which probably results from left-behind childhood christianity. i'm too tired and have no patience for power games but nobody has any choice but to play them one way or another.

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Most of the time I'm playing power games, I don't realize it until afterwards. Or else it feels like I'm clawing my way towards getting back some importance that's been taken away from me. Or else it's quiet, polite, and strategic. I'll often initiate a long process of retrieving power, and then forget about it.

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Unless it's unconscious, I avoid power games like the plague. There is little more odious to me than playing with people - if someone tries that shit on me, I'm usually out the door as quick as a wink.

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sometimes i play power games when i don't know it because i don't trust a person. it is utterly confusing because i hate power, moreover the games are so insidious i don't know that i am playing them most of the time. i don't trust the person i have to collaborate with most in life because we used to date and during that time he was sexually pushy and never took no for an answer. i find it hard to trust him, but even harder to recognize when i am acting like it. sometimes i make him feel stupid in order to feel like i am in control of the situation because for so long i was powerless to him. so i guess the answer is, because i feel disempowered and out of vengeance?

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I hate power games. I hate when people feel the need to exert their power over someone else. It happens a lot in my workplace where there is a strong male hierarchy in place. As a woman, in those situations, I am always the submissive or neutral force. However, in social situations or relationships, I also find power games.

In social situations, with people I don't know very well or don't particularly like, sometimes intellectually overpowering someone is satisfying when they are being really obnoxious and annoying with their own faulty argumentative personality. In that case, it's a way to end their argument, prove them wrong, embarrass them into quiet submission.

There are no power games with my current friends because I think we hold each other in very high regard and respect each other. I have had friends in high school, usually insecure or harbouring feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, who have initiated plays for power.

I feel it occurs more in my life in romantic relationships. Some of it related to semblances of hierarchy in gender roles. Some of it to be spiteful when relationships go bad. Needless to say, none of those men are around in my life anymore.

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To get some tail.

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power is a state of mind and power games are deliberate attempts to exhibit this mind state.

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I'm not sure I understand what a power game is. Power dynamics constantly shift between people - at what point does it become a game? When you're consciously manipulating someone (rather than doing it unknowingly)? When you're doing it for fun? When you're trying to win? I don't know that there's a clear line between "organic" relationship dynamics and power games.

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to test boundaries with someone.

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most of my power games occur when i am feeling insecure and i try to work them out so the people i'm playing a power game with will end up praising me. its always for self gratification. i end up doing this when my relationships (romantic and otherwise) are falling apart...
it never feels good and once i've done it it confirms that the relationship is over. when i have to trick the person into showing me love or admiration i feel worse then when they weren't doing anything at all.

in all honesty i don't think i play power games regularly.

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Calculating dirty, to see will and interest manifested.

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i do not want to play power games but if somebody is acting in a way that means "power" to me, i will start to want to keep my power and i will stupidly try to have this other person "submit" to my way. this has happened around time and space. i have thought a lot about all this and i now believe that i enter into power dynamics because i haven't healed the feeling of disempowerment that is stuck in my vagina.

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Usually motivated by revenge for slight offences in the office. I like put my earphones on without actually listening to music, then disregard enquiries and requests until the person is forced to come to my desk and 'alert' me. Colloquially this power game is called "I can't hear you LA LA LA LA LA."

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Power games can be fun, sometimes people will try and play you, when you notice and flip it on them the satisfaction is incredible. I might just be power hungry tho...

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I am not sure what power games are. Is soccer a power game? I don't really play any games.

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I use the power game as a shield to try and save myself from being hurt. They hide in my back pocket like a little tiger, and if I sense that a hurt or a disappointment is coming, I pull it out quickly! and use it against you! The tiger is more likely to come out when I am not sober.

Afterwards I feel so guilty it is easy to give you the power and my feelings of repentance soften my mood. It is like emotional substance abuse.

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I don't actively decide to play power games. Rather, I enter into them subconsciously in personal relationships (mostly sexual/romantic, but sometimes otherwise)when I feel that A) I'm the weaker or, B) the other person is playing power games. My power move is withdrawal, which I do because of feeling weak or hurt. The active result is that I gain power because I've withdrawn engagement. It is only post hoc that I realize I've been doing this.

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How? As subtle and measured as I can. Why? I'd rather not play but when someone else is already playing, I might as well win.

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I feel like I never learned to play Power Games and it's caused me so many problems in life. Sometimes I can tell people are playing games with me, but I can't figure out how to get them back or at least hold my own.

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Passivity. It takes two to play the game. If I don't play the game, then the other is left to play alone. Most of the time. Easier said than done.

I try not to initiate them - power is not strength, it is a weakness.

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power games get played in language...

...to determine where I stand among other actors in a continually negotiated process of position-taking

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Pagan privileging of tribes; work better.

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I really, really try not to.
I have an inner BITCH, she comes out sometimes.
I kind of think it's good to have access to that energy, as long as it's not running your life.

So when people are rude to me, or try to take advantage of me (or someone I love!), I might use some intimidation tactics, power games.

The older I get, the less I feel threatened by other people, so the less I need to bring that out.

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i would say i engage in "power games" when my feelings are hurt and i don't know what to do to protect myself. i think i do it more with women (myself being one) maybe because they embody something i don't have in myself. i get real mean, cold and judgemental. i just don't give them anything. it's all self reflexive i guess.. i just end up hurting myself more in the end with these false expectations. with men sometimes i play power games by dressing up real sexy and holding myself proudly. but that's not such a bad thing. more a mating ritual.

i don't like to back down. i always want the other to cave first though i may feel totally weak and empty because of it.

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Usually one doesn't even realize it till after. You notice that you said something, or said something a certain way, that was indirect. It was indirect because if you did this thing or said it directly, you might not get what you wanted. Where does the power game begin? In wanting something, or in going about it indirectly? There are always going to be people who want what you want, or who are standing in the way of you getting what you want, or there will be things you want that you cannot get, and other people might be able to help you. I think power games are very natural.

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The only power game I play that I can think of is that I downplay my affection for someone until I sense that they feel similarly. However, I'm not trying to get the upper hand; I'm trying to stay on equal footing.

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Its not about how you play the game, it's if you win or lose. Why play the game? Play or become the game's prey, its a ravenous beast. Within the boundries of this there is no honesty, only competition. Everyone loses, winning is the official illusion of power like a carrot before a horse. If you do in fact 'win' you still lose because; even if you were coersed against your will, you still played the game and therefore lose. -- Anomalist

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I have never played power games until just recently. It never really occurred to me, and I didn't even really know how. Now I've learned to mislead people, especially romantically, as a way of having power over them.

I was involved in a strange relationship that usually left me hurt or upset. Recently the power balance has shifted, and I find myself invincible, and willing to use power games to hurt the other person involved. It makes me feel kind of sinister to be part of the whole thing. Also I wonder if playing power games ultimately means I still care far too much about the whole thing.

A friend and I were talking about it the other day and agreed, you only learn to fuck with other people from being fucked with. It's like a brutal, mean-spirited cycle!

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I do not play power games. In my position, it would be very easy to do so. I choose not to. Why?

I used to teach but no longer. I have not taught for a long time because I do not want to be seen as an authority over anything or anyone.

Do you see? To play a power game is morally repugnant in itself. Teaching is held as a virtuous endeavour. In fact, the psychology is intertwined.

To presume one somehow knows more or better than someone else is a given in the academy but in the world of ordinary life it is a power game which triggers an unspoken 'quid pro quo'. I scratch your conscience, you drive my Jag.

To presume a thing is to rule a thing. Presumption is the rule and I am wary of it now.

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I used to not think I wanted power at all. In some high-school class we took a personality test and I scored a 7 out of 100 in something related to wanting power.

I thought it wasn't a good thing to want. And in some things I still feel that way, especially when I'm upset at who has power (on a bigger level, like government or business) and how they wield it.
When I think of power games I think of relationships and sex. With sex I find it interesting and fun.

I like both sides--being powerless, because then I can feel relaxed. I guess because the world is scary and chaotic and also because I tend to have control of myself and it's nice to not have it too.
I also like having power, because it makes me feel confident, and because of the control thing. And it helps me be assertive, in real life too.

Recently I've been really interested in being strong, physically. I like asking people to arm wrestle.
It seems like there's a different idea with that when you're a girl, because men are assumed to be naturally strong and women are often not. I don't know if that relates to power games as much, but,

basically I would like to be powerful now.
I hope that makes sense.
GO TEAM

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I think that sometimes I play power games in my relationship. I'm always aware of what I'm doing and I know it's not right but sometimes you can't help but want to have the upper hand and hold things above someones head. I always realize what I'm doing and stop myself before I let these "games" spin out of control because they are always detrimental to a realtionship, no matter what. In a perfect world, I wouldn't play any games and I'd always be honest. I try my best but nobody is perfect, right?

I also play power games with myself- I think my day to day life is a struggle of will power vs my wants/needs/vices/desires/etc. I always lose against myself because I can't say no.

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with people i work with, i work harder, faster and as comprehensivly as i can so that nobody can keep up and nobody can dominate the chess board, so to speak. since i'm moving stuff around so fast, people can only be responsive and not proactive.

i do this because i am a very fast person and want to get stuff done and am frustrated by the fear that people feel and their tendency to let that slow down our progress. there is also someone who has decided to be competitive with me and i just want her to understand that she should just drop it, because she has no way of winning this one. I'm way too far ahead of her in the game and way too hard working and much more up to speed on the relevant issues. she has a role to play, and a role that she can be the leader on, but it's not in the area that i'm expert at and she should just face the facts and get the fuck on with doing her job.

: )

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I play power games at work. I do it because my power is that I am the person through whom all development must ultimately flow, but I am not well-paid. I do it because they fail to feed me but gave me all kinds of keys.

So I am emotionally inconsistent and pick favourites, allowing their changes and revisions through while blocking others. I am terrifying to talk to one week and fine the next, but never to anyone who could fire me.

Ultimately, this has garnered me three promotions and excellent references to other positions, because people are too scared to stop me, least the development stop, and want me to leave so badly they'll lie for me about my ability to take criticism.

I really just want to be able to pay rent on time, though. One day, one glorious day.

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there are only 2 emotions
fear and love. other emotions are just a different mix.
i'll play these games to demonstrate that i can gain or lose power because i need both fear and love in my life.
i fear loosing power because it means that i may not be in control. i fear gaining power because means that i am responsible.
but
i love loosing power because of the release and knowing that i can trust.
i love of gaining power to know that i am capable of controlling power.
so i just play and see where this dance goes.

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I think most of the power games I play are kind of subversive, maybe this is an inherently female game, maybe this is an inherently socially constructed female game blah blah blah.
but, "womanly" power games I have engaged in: playing dumb, flirting to get what I want, "getting really sad"
I think it is fairly obvious what we play power games to get what we want but what we want always seems so petty, like, I want to not get a ticket (so I will play dumb), I want to get a drink sooner (so I will flirt), I want my bike to be fixed THIS AFTERNOON (so I will get really sad)

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To make sure.

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ultimately because i want to get what i want...

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To quell insecurities that I wish I didn't have.

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I played power games in my mind, at the start of a relationship . I wanted to be the one with power in the relationship, as I wazsn't in the last relationship i was in, and i was the one hurt. I made sure it was him chasing me, and i made sure I always had leverage over him. He started to gain some power in the relationship, and he was playing games to, he thought he had complete leverage over me, i let him, and then i cheated on him. I was sick. Power is a dangerous thing, I realise this and I am better now.

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In relationships, especially the beginning stages. Especially romantic relationships. It's a test to see who's pushing and who's pulling, who has the upper hand, who has less conditional access to the other person based on desire. This is a power game to me, that I see played out between two people, usually with the emotional baggage that they have huddled close to them. The power game in relationships, usually appropriate towards, like i said, the beginning, or the end, is best described in "the ball" throwing metaphor: to have it, to show it, to leave it lying halfway between you and the Other, to never give it back, take it and run etc.

Personally, I play the power game in more ambiguous relationships: the employer who is as old as me, the professor who belittles me in a non-professional way. But all based on so many assumptions!

I guess I'll stop there...
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the answer lies within the cure´s "lets go to bed"
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what sort of "power games" do you mean? Online or computer games that have 'power' as an element? Or interpersonal relations-type power trips? Unclear ... Only power game of the latter type I indulged in recently was at the Canadian Border, where I 'reverse intimidated' an over eager border guard by aggressively challenging her ss to why she was seeking detail on the 'type of business' that took me out of the country -- and, no, (much to my surprise) I was not strip-searched as a result!

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'Power 9'

This time twister leaves me regretting I had ever played the game.

I wish I could time walk, time stop, and stand still.

Eyes bloom open, like a black lotus, and I can see the abyss.

All the pearls, sapphires, rubies, and emeralds in the world can't bribe a mox jet heart.

I remand your cryptic command but your force of will prevails and I am left without a counter.

In my last moments of duress your hand is now revealed.

I can already foresee being pierced through, ad nauseum, by your tendrils of corruption.

And to this day I feel thought seized by your last words.

Dark ritual. Ancestral recall. Insidious dream.

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i have been the victim of power games. all my life it has been women who have been more into power games. when i was a girl i switched schools all the time and the girls targeted me as a victim to belittle so they could feel stronger. they would throw ice in my face and chase me home screaming insults. often i would get lost in my frenzy to get away from them. later, years and years later, a number of them contacted me and apologized for their cruelty, citing their motives as jealousy! they thought i was pretty and smart. while i was convinced there must be something terribly wrong with me to deserve such hatred.

later, in lieu of a bad break up, my ex and his friends took it upon themselves to spread a vicious words about me. the women in particular, many of whom i have never spoken to, jumped at the opportunity to assume a false authority, and glared at me on the street, treated me with such hostility. they all ganged together seemingly in protection of my ex. but what my ex was doing was hurting me by ignoring me and assuring his identity by gaining support and approval from others, who had nothing to do with it. when happened between he and i should have been kept between he and i. i felt stigmatized and wrongly accused yet i didn't care enough about earning such people's respect to explain myself and my story to them. it wasn't their business! all it did was make me wary of rumors. the least i can do is never judge a person by what i have heard and judge them only on my own interactions with them - a mercy none of these people graced upon me. i was amazed at how fast rumors spre! ad and how readily people, women especially, were to absorb them, to use them to feel more powerful...or something.

i also realized that these women were ready to dislike me upon the first arsenal they could find regarding a weakness in my character, because i have always been very private, never shown myself much to anybody. this garnered a weariness on their part because i had never in the first place tried to win them over. they assumed something was wrong with me because i didn't try to impress them and didn't try to belong. so now, still as secretive, the wounds have dug deep and my reaction is to fold deeper within and stay as far away from groups as possible. i have never known a group of friends who do not fall into insularity, elitism, and hierarchical politics. in groups, fear grows. and people will cut others down to reinforce their own place within the group. group members will chorus rumors against another to elicit an 'us' vs. 'them' power struggle. even amongst otherwise very nice people! to remain outside of any group can at times feel lonely but mostly liberating. outside! a group i am able to see the horizon while in a group, we tend to elevate each other and oneself in relation to each other so that we are unable to see much outside of that shaky reality.
so i guess in a sense it is a gift to have been the target of hatred and misunderstanding. because it has helped me to understand.

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i have a book you may like to read. its an oldie called "games people play" its from 1967
there are life games:
-alcoholic (so it says)
-debtor
-kick me
-now look what youve made me do, you son of a bitch
-see what you made me do

also marital games, party games, sexual games..etc etc

the names of them make more sense if you read it. i havent read it in over a year - although some is definitely off (frigid woman is one game)- it may offer some insight

the back actually says "How many of these 'secret games' do you play everyday in your life?"

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"Power games are a favorite ploy of those who have low self-esteem. If you have high self-esteem you won’t play power games because you have enough confidence to deal honestly with others in a mutually beneficial manner without resorting to manipulation of any kind. You also have enough self-respect to not resort to such dishonest tactics. However, if you have low self-esteem you are motivated to fake a self-esteem which you do not, in fact, possess. Lacking values that yield self-confidence & self-respect you might resort to underhanded methods in the false belief that winning and dominating through manipulation of others will somehow make you a better person in your own eyes. Therefore, the power seeker is not motivated by a desire for mutual progress; instead, he is motivated to escape from his fears by proving to himself that he is somehow superior. "

"I suspect everyone plays power games occasionally. It seems to me that it would be a situational thing. It probably has something to do with desire and reward: if what one desires is important enough, they will do what is required to receive a reward (i.e., get what they want). Most people probably temper their behavior with consideration for others and will not do so when it is evident that they are "hurting" another. Then, there are those who want their way despite the emotional cost to others and do so frequently. These people may have a mental illness or disorder."